first of all i say that it needs indention's and paragraphs. it makes it appealing to the eyes more and makes the text seem like it flows more. in the first few sentences you use the word "here" to much. you are also missing some capitalization's. this piece is also way to jumbled. it needs to flow better and have a clearer description for the reader. watch some of your spelling like the word demon. it doesnt have and a in it. you need to make things flow better and i would say to add dialogue but i have a feeling you did it on purpose. having no dialogue makes things more tricky. i think you have a good idea on how to improve this. also i think you should add more scensory details including touch, smell, and sound. i hope this helps.